even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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