My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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