i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
