The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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