well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
