she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
