I think im going to throw up on grandma
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was confusing and full of hummus
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We are all done wearing pants today
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