you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
