You just made me feel so damn special
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
