Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
