went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
