I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
