Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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