pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So apparently I’m into choking now
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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