3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Randomize
