So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
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If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
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I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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