you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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