Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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