Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
That accounts for only three of the penises
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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