she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
