I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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