omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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