I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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