So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
