I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
