I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She bit a glass in half.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
