Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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