when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
