I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
