Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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