Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
