i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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