eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
