I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
