Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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