I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
