Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
