I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
it was like eating out sand paper
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
