man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
