Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
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i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
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My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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