i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
