I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
