Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
