I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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