you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
