I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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