He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
