Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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