You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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