It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Randomize
