I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
