im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
