We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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