I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Your cock deserves a montage
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I had to cum in my sink.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
