i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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