So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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