she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
