nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
