remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
