I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
