I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i black out too much to be "responsible"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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