Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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