i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
