Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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