Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
