Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
