absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
