i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
