Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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