Quick, to the slutcave!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
