i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
