On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
